Great Beastie Boys tune, I must say. However, on with it shall we...I've come to a realization that most people have a tendency, be it knowingly or otherwise, to sabotage any and all progress they make toward achieving a healthier, stronger and fitter body. I've previously mentioned my rollercoaster relationship with exercise and the ally who drags me out of the funk, but exactly why does FitAddicted Kelly pull the chute every so often, abandon her lifestyle of wellness and spiral back into the lethargic depths of despair? Do I have some type of mental block? Fear of living up to my full potential? Maybe I don't feel good enough? Like I deserve it? For whatever reason, out of nowhere an angry, egotistical beast shoves its way onto the scene and stomps its feet like a spoiled toddler, announcing that I AM NOT GOING TO THE GYM TODAY. NO. I JUST DON'T WANT TO AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME. Wow. Ok.
I'd putt-putt along for a few months, doing well and staying on track - faithfully following every workout and using every tool that I had to ensure success - setting goals, k
eeping track of my progress, noting my diet struggles and celebrating my victory in triumphing each one. And BAM! Blindsided. This backstabbing imp would suddenly appear out of nowhere, kick me in the ass, knock me down on the ground and force feed me Costco poutine and hot dogs for a week straight. Sometimes he'd stick around longer, refusing to change out of his pajamas, eating brownies and ice cream for breakfast and sulking into a sinkhole on the couch. Yes, it's a he, this evil succubus. I'm not sure why. Maybe because it feels so completely foreign to me - I cannot relate to it and it's stubborn as an old ass mule. No matter what I say or do, he stays until he's good and ready to leave. Reminds me of one of my old boyfriends.
eeping track of my progress, noting my diet struggles and celebrating my victory in triumphing each one. And BAM! Blindsided. This backstabbing imp would suddenly appear out of nowhere, kick me in the ass, knock me down on the ground and force feed me Costco poutine and hot dogs for a week straight. Sometimes he'd stick around longer, refusing to change out of his pajamas, eating brownies and ice cream for breakfast and sulking into a sinkhole on the couch. Yes, it's a he, this evil succubus. I'm not sure why. Maybe because it feels so completely foreign to me - I cannot relate to it and it's stubborn as an old ass mule. No matter what I say or do, he stays until he's good and ready to leave. Reminds me of one of my old boyfriends.I tried to stay on guard, looking for a pattern - maybe he would appear around a certain time of the month and if he did, dammit I would be ready for him. But no...he crept up behind me, stealthily and swiftly and proceeded to demolish everything I had spent months creating, working hard for, but I just couldn't stop him! No rhyme nor reason could convince him to even look in the d
irection of a vegetable, and he would not darken the door of the gym. He laughed maniacally when I suggested going for a run and told me I was stupid and wasting my time. Feeling helpless, confused and angry at myself, I'd continue on a downward slope until BAM! He was gone. I wanted to exercise again, and eat the right foods. I didn't have to sleep with my gym clothes on in the hopes that i would actually workout the next day (not a chance in hell when that rascal was around). Plus I felt like utter poo from a week or month or three of poisioning myself. I guess he had his fill. Sucked up all the good out of me and moved on unconcerned. I'd then shamefully pick up my pride, throw on some baggy sweats and head out to the gym to try to undo the havoc he had wreaked.
irection of a vegetable, and he would not darken the door of the gym. He laughed maniacally when I suggested going for a run and told me I was stupid and wasting my time. Feeling helpless, confused and angry at myself, I'd continue on a downward slope until BAM! He was gone. I wanted to exercise again, and eat the right foods. I didn't have to sleep with my gym clothes on in the hopes that i would actually workout the next day (not a chance in hell when that rascal was around). Plus I felt like utter poo from a week or month or three of poisioning myself. I guess he had his fill. Sucked up all the good out of me and moved on unconcerned. I'd then shamefully pick up my pride, throw on some baggy sweats and head out to the gym to try to undo the havoc he had wreaked. I recently spend the day with an old friend; her and I go back many years, even went to nursery school together and were thick as thieves for most of our childhood. This wonderful woman is now a busy working mom of twins who, like most moms, puts her children's needs before her own and wants to spend every waking moment that she is not at work with her young family. She has struggled with many health issues including her weight, for a long time. She was a bit chubby in her teens, and gradually gained more weight throughout high school and even more so with her pregnancy. Unfortunately, she has never really done much exercise at all and she loves to eat a lot of the foods that aren't so good for you. Who doesn't right? I wanted to spend a few hours with her going over her diet and try to help her find ways to make small changes that she will stick to; drastic changes rarely work and most often leave a person worse off than when they started. 
This friend, also 31 years old, was starting to have many health issues as a result of her life choices - she had high blood pressure, was pre-diabetic and had a few other concerns that I believe are manifestations (in my opinion, 95% of your health issues or lack thereof are a direct result of your diet). She tried lap band surgery, which is an adjustable gastric banding or lap-band which is tightened around your stomach so that it apparently retrains you to eat in smaller portions, thus enabling you to lose weight. Their website states "Obesity isn't your fault". However after well over ten thousand dollars, a few surgeries and many complications later, she was back to where she started. Sure she had lost a lot of weight during the time she had it on, but mostly because she could barely eat, drank most of her meals in liquid form and what she did eat, she threw up. I painstakingly tried to explain to her that this type of thing is putting a band-aid on a broken leg - it's just not a permanent fix for a serious problem. At the same time I kind of understood - she was desperate.
This friend, also 31 years old, was starting to have many health issues as a result of her life choices - she had high blood pressure, was pre-diabetic and had a few other concerns that I believe are manifestations (in my opinion, 95% of your health issues or lack thereof are a direct result of your diet). She tried lap band surgery, which is an adjustable gastric banding or lap-band which is tightened around your stomach so that it apparently retrains you to eat in smaller portions, thus enabling you to lose weight. Their website states "Obesity isn't your fault". However after well over ten thousand dollars, a few surgeries and many complications later, she was back to where she started. Sure she had lost a lot of weight during the time she had it on, but mostly because she could barely eat, drank most of her meals in liquid form and what she did eat, she threw up. I painstakingly tried to explain to her that this type of thing is putting a band-aid on a broken leg - it's just not a permanent fix for a serious problem. At the same time I kind of understood - she was desperate.We talked more and more, and she seemed to be taking my suggestions seriously, writing them down and saying
either "Ok, I can do that'' or ''HA are you kidding me? Never''. Fair enough, I said. I just want to help. I went through her fridge, commenting on certain choices and recommending other, healthier versions when possible. She was listening and nodding her head, even taking notes and writing down key details of what to look for . We even tried to find ways to incorporate a bit of exercise into her routine, but that was an uphill battle for the moment, although it does look promising in the future (You better buy that damn treadmill woman or I'm gonna chase you to and from work everyday with a broomstick!) It was coming to near the end of the day when she looked at me and stated matter-of-factly ''Ok. I will do this for a month or so, and then I will give it all up and go back to the way I was."
either "Ok, I can do that'' or ''HA are you kidding me? Never''. Fair enough, I said. I just want to help. I went through her fridge, commenting on certain choices and recommending other, healthier versions when possible. She was listening and nodding her head, even taking notes and writing down key details of what to look for . We even tried to find ways to incorporate a bit of exercise into her routine, but that was an uphill battle for the moment, although it does look promising in the future (You better buy that damn treadmill woman or I'm gonna chase you to and from work everyday with a broomstick!) It was coming to near the end of the day when she looked at me and stated matter-of-factly ''Ok. I will do this for a month or so, and then I will give it all up and go back to the way I was."I almost cried. ''What? What do you mean? Noooo. These are lifestyle changes. This is for the rest of your life! It will be easy! Small, gradual changes - 2% to 1% milk, start eating breakfast, drink more water etc.'' She looked at me and said ''Kelly, I know myself. This is the way it's always been. I'll do it in the beginning, and then I will stop." I knew she was convinced 100% that she would fail. And I knew she would fail because of it. I really felt so sad inside. I probed and poked, asking questions and trying to find out why the same way I did to myself - did she not love herself enough? Believe in herself? Want to succeed for her children? I could tell by looking in her eyes that she didn't believe she could ever lose the weight and keep it off, or come off of blood pressure meds, or feel the amazing way you feel when you're fit and healthy - alert, clear-headed, energetic and exuberant. She had given up on herself before we even started. That little troll had found a new host, inside of my friend. And it looked like he was pretty damn comfortable there.
We all have our obstacles, believe you me. Your number one obstacle exists inside your head. If you cannot conquer that to truly believe you deserve better and are worthy of accomplishing your dreams, then I'm afraid you never will. And that breaks my heart.
I almost stopped there, but I don't even want to end my blog entry like this. I want to run screaming up and down the streets, hollering from the mountain tops :
IF YOU BELIEVE IT, YOU CAN AND WILL ACHIEVE IT! DON'T LET HIM WIN. FIGHT. DON'T GIVE UP ON YOURSELF.
The only thin
g keeping you from achieving your goals is YOU! Confide in a friend for support, find a workout partner who has similar goals, read a book that will inspire you, buy new clothes in smaller sizes, hang pictures of your previous fitter self on the fridge for inspiration, recruit your family members and tell them you need them to help you GET REAL and support you. Call me! I'll talk to you until I'm blue in the face. I care so much it hurts. Fall off the horse but DAMMIT get back on! It's only too late when your dead, so until then, please, please. Don't give up.
g keeping you from achieving your goals is YOU! Confide in a friend for support, find a workout partner who has similar goals, read a book that will inspire you, buy new clothes in smaller sizes, hang pictures of your previous fitter self on the fridge for inspiration, recruit your family members and tell them you need them to help you GET REAL and support you. Call me! I'll talk to you until I'm blue in the face. I care so much it hurts. Fall off the horse but DAMMIT get back on! It's only too late when your dead, so until then, please, please. Don't give up. 
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