A Darker Side

I actually had a pretty rough week last week, I'm not gonna lie. It was partially the uber depressing Vancouver winter weather getting to me a little - so gloomy, dreary and wet, and worse, the almost constant darkness, but I also had another issue. It's kinda personal and maybe weird to talk about here, so I'm not gonna go into any details but it's something I've been dealing with for many, many years and is very frustrating for me, because no matter what I attempt to do, I cannot seem to remedy it. For a long time I've been of the mindset that if you don't like something about yourself or your life, fix it! If you cannot change the situation, change how you view it, how you treat it and react to it, and often the situation will change, or you will be able to change it a bit further down the road when you're ready for it, when it's meant to be changed, because you'd learned what you needed to learn from it. You have the power, the control and the ability to alter and improve your life. YOU. Not me. Not your parents/siblings/boyfriend/husband/friends. You. Believing in this simple but compelling truth has enabled me to overcome much diversity in my life. It all changed from there. Once I KNEW I was in control of my own destiny, and I acknowledged that and truly felt it in my bones, it set me free in a way. I could no longer make excuses about the past, or use it as a crutch or scapegoat for the future. I couldn't just sit on the floor and wallow in it, raging at God and the world, thinking Why Me? I could have easily ended up in a different place - a dark, angry one. Hell sometimes I wonder how I didn't.

I'm reminded of this Oprah episode I saw, eons ago, like mid-eighties maybe, where she went to a prison to interview a group of women who were incarcerated for committing horrible crimes. She sat in a room and calmly listened as they told stories of how they murdered their children. One woman systematically drowned each of her 4 children in the bathtub, and spoke in detail about how she held each one's head underwater until they stopped struggling and their was no breath left in their tiny bodies. I shudder at the thought of it. Anyway, the thing that stood out and that I will always remember is when one of the ladies looked up at Oprah and through her tears she asked "'Don't you hate us?" Oprah responded something to the effect of "'No. I don't hate you. I see that is what you have done with your pain. I do something different with mine." That was a wow moment for me. You can take your suffering and bury it deep inside you and hope that it stays hidden. Or you can expose it to the surface, raw and messy and real, forcing yourself to deal with it despite how horrible and agonizing it might be, and try to use it to help others. Pain can turn into something positive, if you let it.

For whatever reason, I'm glad the universe smacked me upside the head. Life is about choices. Every SINGLE day of your life, you are faced with choices. They may seem small and insignificant but each one molds and shapes your future. It's a culmination of all of these choices that you make, fleeting ones, ones that you don't give much thought to, like whether or not to eat a second piece of chocolate cake, or to stay on the couch instead of getting up and going to the gym, that make you YOU. No matter how inconsequential each decision appears, they are sending you down a path toward the future you. I hear it all the time from clients or friends: I can't believe I gained all this weight. I just woke up one day 20 (or 30, or 50 or even 100) lbs heavier. Life can sneak up on you like that, if you don't live in the moment. Wake up. Don't walk through your life with your eyes closed.

It's actually quite common, my incredibly discouraging and seemingly unavoidable health concern, but that doesn't really comfort me much. The worst part about it is that I feel like I do everything right in my attempt to sidestep it. I follow every single protocol and take every precaution to prevent getting it from happening again, yet it returns, over and over. This has been my experience as I said, from a very young age and in the beginning, for many years even, I just dealt with it. I avoided taking any medication at all costs and still prefer natual and herbal remedies. Maybe I'm just a bit of a Tom Cruise Cuckoo in a way - believing that diet and exercise can heal anything. Well, I don't anymore. Sometimes you need to take medication and it's a fricken wonderful thing that we live in a world where we have this option available to us, although I definitely do still believe we live in an overmedicated society. Most people use drugs as a quick fix instead of getting to the root of the problem and exhausting any and all other possible options first. The whole "Band Aid on a Broken Leg" quote I'm so fond of. Diet pills, laxatives, weight loss supplements, "miracles" in a bottle - they make me lose my mind. Utter garbage. If it was that easy, we'd all be the perfect size, no?

This time around I suffered for about a week before I gave in and filled a prescription. Throughout the week, I was in a lot of pain and discomfort, but I tried to fight it. I know that sometimes your body can and will heal itself naturally, and it has before in this situation. But this time, I just couldn't seem to boot it. I got into a bit of a funk, didn't go to the gym for a week, and sure enough, started eating junk food again. The weather was just so damn crappy and I was hurtin' and I just couldn't get up off the couch, literally. I felt so cold, sad and at the peak of the madness, I was so miserable I just curled up into a ball and cried. That was after I had given in to taking meds (but before they kicked in). I'm not totally sadistic :) My girlfriend called me and noticed something was up. "Are you crying?", she asked, sounding so shocked. Yeah. I cry. Get over it. My pretend tough guy gig was up. She lent me her ear while I whimpered and moaned about how pathetic I was, while she just listened and gave me words of encouragement, reaffirming all of the things I already new. "Oh just wait, as soon as you are better you will be back in the gym in no time and you will be better than ever". Sometimes it's really nice to hear those things. It wasn't even the gym-skipping or eating bad that bothered me, it was the fact that I just cannot conquer this issue that I have. How do you deal with health concerns that keep derailing your progress? I wish I had the magic answer. What I do is rest, pamper myself, indulge a little, and then get my nose back to the grind, as soon as I'm physically able, because one day, I won't be.

It got me thinking: the pain of having a temporary illness can be extremely debilitating, but you know what scares me even more? The thought of having a disease or sickness that might not go away, in a few days or weeks or even years; instead what if it got worse, draining your energy so much that you wouldn't be able to get up or go to the gym, even if you wanted to. I mean to choose is one thing, but imagine having that choice taken away from you? Like the way you feel after you make a stupid mistake or have a careless accident and you scream "Nooooo...noo...wait, God, if I could only back there and change that? Why wasn't I more careful?" You forget to check your blind spot and in a split second you've made a life altering move.

As we age, our bodies change so much. Aches and pains we never knew existed slowly become part of daily life. We used to roll our eyes at our parents or elders complaining about their ailments, but now maybe those same ailments are starting to become a little more familiar to us. Age creeps up on us and one day, all of a sudden there we are, either a sum of all of those poor choices we've made, or still feeling pretty good about ourselves. What if you wait until you are no longer able to make those choices? Do you want to wait until something takes away your chance to choose? Imagine the regret, the anger, the fury you will feel at yourself for not doing it when you were able. You cannot turn back time. You cannot choose to be healthy if you don't choose all along to eat the right foods and exercise regularly. Illness will choose you.

"There are always two choices. Two paths to take. One is easy. And it's only reward is that it is easy."

Red, White and Green. Vegetables

BF and I just went to the 7-11 across the street to get some munchies (don't ask) and I got ID'd buying one of those scratch off Bingo tickets. The cashier eyed me suspiciously and when I noticed the look, I gave him my best 100 mega-watt smile in an effort to highlight my crows feet under the unforgiving florescent lights yet he still asked to see proof of my age. That's the second time I got carded in 2 weeks - the first time for taste-testing chocolate at a grocery store? Yes, weird but true. On the 30 second walk back from the store tonight, BF and I started discussing people who look their age and why and the difference between our cultures (I'm Canadian, he's Mexican) aging process and how people care, or don't care for themselves.

*Disclaimer - I do not believe I represent a typical 31 year old female, so I do not wish to make any comparisions to anyone my age. Or any age really. We're all on our own journey. I think I have pretty decent genes - my 71 year old father has a full head of black hair and is walking around quite agilely a mere 8 months after being involved in an accident which could have killed him, had he not been the bionic man. Despite 2 broken legs (one a compound fracture), fractured ribs, a crushed, fractured hand, broken nose and a very serious, shocking and hard-hitting flight 27 feet in the air which knocked him literally out of his boots and left him bleeding out in Super Sub-Zero temperatures of northern Labrador for I don't know how long, he is currently recovering and spends a few hours in the basement gym of his house every night working out. He's a pretty damn tough guy, but then again so are most of the Bobelly's. It's the Irish blood. All that potato eating, scrappin, cursin and of course beer drinking. Something like that. Lifestyle-wise, I'm not the norm for a woman my age either. I am not married, I rent out my place, I have no children and I work part-time. I spend about an hour in the gym 5-6 days a week, sometimes more, sometimes less. And my boyfriend is 7 years younger than me. So yeah. I guess I'm not your standard 31 year old. With all the time I have on my hands as a result of a lack of dependents ( I don't even have a pet) there's no doubt I have the time and energy to focus on exercising and staying fit. But will I always? I optimistically say yes.

BF asked me why did I think that women "let themselves go", and this seems slightly more common in his culture than mine, and I think that's a hard question to answer. A lot of women around my age have one or two kids, maybe more, are married, work outside of the home, and just plain don't have that much time in their lives to indulge in anything really. I think it's sad that most women think it's an "indulgence" to take time for herself; to cater to her own needs and desires as a human being, and maintain her identity as an individual. Too many moms lose themselves in their quest to be the perfect care-giver. A few of my female friends still think having a gym pass is an extravagance. Yes, it costs money, but are you not a solid investment? Personally, if I have $100 to blow and I have a choice of buying a new outfit or some high-quality, organic, fresh food, rich dark chocolate and a bottle of red wine, I know what I'm going to do with the money. Clothing styles change. A fit, happy body looks good in anything.

In Mexico, a lot of married women do not work outside the home (although in recent years this is starting to change); instead they stay at home, doing the work of many people, especially if they have children, and they usually do (although a lot less then 10-15 years ago. Today families are slightly smaller, averaging 2-3 kids as opposed to 6-7, although it varies depending on what area you live in). The average Mexican woman cooks and cleans for 7-10 people per day! Many have jobs on the side that they do from home also, like seamstress work or selling handmade goods. The Mexican mom is so used to putting everyone else before her, she wouldn't dare think about joining a gym, or taking a personal development class for fun. She eats after everyone else is fed, maybe snacking throughout the day when she is starving and gets the chance, or late at night while running around finishing up whatever she needs to get done. She's actually getting quite a bit of physical activity, which is great but is only one component of being fit. Most men work hard labour all day, which is great exercise, for those who do but some make up for it by having a few drinks at night. And kids aren't playing outside like they used to. Not all that different from many Canadian families, really. Except the diet. Mexicans consume WAY too much fast food - sugar, soda and deep-fried cheesy foods are a staple in their diet.

Mexico is a country that has struggled with economic development and corruption throughout all levels of the government. With the close proximity and influence of the United States, many Mexicans have adopted the eating habits of their northern amigos, which is having a very unfortunate affect on the country's population. And sadly because it is a poorer country, education on the harmfulness of overeating unhealthy food has not caught up with the rest of North America, nor does there seem to be much emphasis on introducing a major physical education program in order to counteract some of the effects. The young population seem to be as taken with video games and technology as American teens, and are now similarly choosing burgers and fries as inexpensive (and addictive) snacks. These are a few of the reasons why Mexico is the second fattest country in the world, only beaten by the US. I believe Canada ranks somewhere around 35th. Here are the top 5 : http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1766192/top_5_fattest_countries_in_the_world.html?cat=51

This was certaintly not the case 20-25 years ago, when Mexican people were living the natural way of life, before the crappy American diet had such an influence on them. People lived off the land they farmed and the livestock they raised. Not out of choice, but of necessity. It was inexpensive and high quality food, not pumped full of fillers; a lifestyle we could all benefit from -less processed food, more fruits and vegetables; less chemicals, additives and preservatives, more fresh, naturally prepared foods. Fruits and Vegetables = Nature's Pharmacy. You better believe it. I can't remember the last time I took drugs for anything, but I do make sure I get my 7-10 servings a day. It doesn't matter if you're fat, skinny, fit or ripped, you NEED your veggies.

Let me tell you right now folks, we have an aging population and childhood obesity is getting way out of hand. People are running around screaming about Swine Flu, yet 4 out of 5 leading causes of death in Canada are preventable and managable through diet and exercise. I have a few friends who are Emergency room nurses at various hospitals throughout Canada, and they will confirm that about 3 out of 5 patients they see every night are for any of these reasons - diabetes, heart disease, stroke, cancer etc. I know not all cancers are preventable, but I bet a huge percentage of them are! And I'm not a doctor. But I feel it coming. It may be 10 years or even 20, but we are going to have a MASSIVE crisis strewn from the impact of global obesity, irreparable cracks in society and there will be no amount of healthcare that will be able to make a difference. It's just a matter of time. As long as the world doesn't end in 2012 ;) An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

Knowing all the preaching I do though, I'll likely die of at least 3 of these diseases simultaneously, while eating MacDonalds (super genes be damned) and come back in my next life as a priest. So remember: everything in moderation babies!! Just get those butts moving and shaking to unblock an artery or two, and your miles above the rest. Today's the day. Go get 'em!

Cause I'm Canadian. Eh.

Food is Your Frenemy

For the first time ever, I managed to make it through Halloween without eating any candy. For me that is a HUGE accomplishment. I guess it helps that I live in a security building with virtually no children so I didn't actually have to buy any. I imagine it would be 6 billion times more difficult otherwise. As a matter of fact I've been *clean* for 5 weeks and 2.5 days, and I've never felt better. Unfortunately unlike most addicts who struggle with alcohol, drugs or gambling, my addiction is one that is constantly in my face. It is readily available on every street corner, jumps out at me from the pages of magazines and inevitably flashes repeatedly during television programs and even worse, when I'm doing cardio at the gym, stuck on a machine sans remote control and no option but to look at my feet or close my eyes . There are few things more frustrating that trying to finish up those last 20 minutes on the elliptical and being forced to endure constant Dairy Queen commericals showcasing their latest sinful indulgence. Food is obviously something we have to consume and manage on a daily basis, and making the right choices calls for careful calculation, balance and extreme planning. But how do we deal with, or manage to avoid junk food?

Yessir I am a reformed junkie. On Tuesday, September 29th 2009, I made a conscious decision to change my unhealthy eating once and for all, and I gave my life a real overhaul. It had been a looooooong time a comin'. Since that day, I've consumed more vegetables than probably in my entire life combined (sadly I am not joking), cut out virtually all processed foods with artificial or chemical additives, dropkicked sugar and knocked out refined flour. Has it been easy? Hell-to-the-NO. Am I determined? I'd have to say yes, finally. I'm proud to say yes.

I don't want to give the impression that I've been perfect - I have allowed myself a small, weekly treat, which was rather terrifying at first and it took a LOT of coaching and internal dialogue to limit my treat to JUST ONE, not 3 or 6 or the whole large bag of Salt n Vinegar chips. (Damn you Lays. You are so right) Ohhh no. Those days are over. I'm in charge now. I've worked tirelessly through my self-sabotage, dug deep to understand my food attachments, analyzed and over-analyzed my tendancy to gorge and learned to exhibit extreme self-control simply by revelling in and valuing each indulgence and not letting it turn into a gong show. So before y'all just roll your eyes at this skinny be@tch, let me make it clear - it's not a cake walk, it sure as hell ain't because I don't *like* the taste of cupcakes and yes, genetics may have played a small part in the past, but since I've turned 30, it's a different ball game. Off topic but did anyone else notice I mentioned cake twice in that sentence? Mmmm caaake.

OK so, how do I do it? That's what you want to know right? That's what I always wanted to know, before I actually started to do it, and it's probably my most commonly asked question by acquaintances - how do you say no? You bring your own chopped up veggies to a party so you don't have to eat the chips and salsa? What are you some kind of fruitcake? (had to fit cake in again somehow). Yes. I do that. I also make my own healthy pizzas while all my friends go to Romanos for the meaty-cheese-cream-carb-loaded bonanza. I snack on fruit while my boyfriend eats Fudgesicles. DAILY. And I'm actually starting to get excited about my favorite health foods. Food tastes better to me, real food! I'm delighting in the flavors and savoring smaller portions, not feeling as if I need to cram them in lest someone come along and steal them from me. I can't wait to buy hummus, or to eat juicy canned salmon on a pita with red onion. These foods make me happy, and therefore enable me to eat healthy without feeling like I am deprived. Until you find your foods, you may not be able to do it. Maybe you'll just ride the ol' diet rollercoaster for a while, drifting from deprivation to devouring, until finally, you've just plain had enough.

Low-fat, low calorie food DOES NOT always equal healthy, especially if it's crammed with artificial sweetners, preservatives and chemical additives. What you want to stock up on are CLEAN foods - foods in their natural state, grown from the earth, unaltered by man. Try to choose these type of foods when grocery shopping. The following are a few ways I pay tribute to one of my favorite mantras - SET YOURSELF UP FOR SUCCESS.

1. After you buy your groceries, spend the time to wash, chop and prepare fruits, veggies and other go-to snacks (like boiled eggs or cooked shrimp) and store them in tupperware containers in your fridge. Having bite-sized bell peppers, cukes, carrots and broccoli will give you something to munch on while your cooking dinner or if you're feeling restless or bored and prone to snacking in the evening. I also keep fruit such as watermelon, strawberries and grapes in containers for a quick sweet tooth satisfier, as I ALWAYS need something sweet after dinner, always have. I think it's from when I quit smoking many years ago and replaced it with chocolate bars. Being prepared allows you to be ahead of the game. This is the MOST important thing you can do. The number one reason people go off track from eating a healthy diet is because they don't do this. You come home from school or work, tired as hell and you just want something that is fast and easy. Having those snacks on-hand will keep you from making bad choices when you are most vulnerable and want instant gratification. You will CONSTANTLY have something to eat, so you won't need to order chinese or eat a box of Oreos.

2. Cook in advance when possible. Crock pots are great - throw all your ingredients in and let it cook all day and you come home to a ready-to-eat dinner. Sometimes I prepare meals the night before, after I've eaten dinner and reheat them the next day, or just do the preparation the night before and cook it when I'm ready to eat. I hate cooking when I'm hungry. After I've eaten or on a lazy day, I like to make 4-5 Pita Pizzas and keep them in the fridge. I LOVE snacking on cold pizza, it's my favorite food. With ingredients like tomato paste, pesto, tons of chopped garlic and red onion, sliced turkey, tomatoes, a very, very small amount of cheese, hot sauce and pineapple, they're super healthy and easy to make, and I always have something ready when I'm fridge-surfing.

3. Do NOT buy junk food. Ok lots of people say this, but it's not so easy when you have a partner or maybe kids, who want it and demand it. I say I will not be buying it for my children if and when I ever have them, but I guess we'll see about that. BF has certain snacks that he likes, and I basically go into denial about it. I don't want to see it (so he hides it or keeps it high up in a cupboard I can't reach or don't use), I don't want to know about it and I flat out refuse to acknowledge it exists. It works for me. Gotta admit it is a bit of a challenge when he sits next to me on the couch mowing down brownies and ice cream, but I'm tough. I can take it. Or I just leave the room and go put on a sexy outfit that I couldn't fit into before and admire my progress. Some days I'll go to the 7-11 and buy an Aero 70% dark chocolate bar which satisfies my craving and is actually good for you - full of antioxidants such as flavenoids and can actually lower your blood pressure. I'm sure that's because I might blow my top if I don't have it, so it must relieve something.

4. When you do cook healthy, make large portions so you will have lots of leftovers to make other meals from. I am a big fan of doing this. Cooking a whole chicken, making chicken casserole, home-made chicken soup, sandwiches, whatever.Prepare your own food and you control the ingredients. If you make a large meal, again, divide it in half and eat it later. Be careful to hide it if you have a BF who loves to finish your food. Hands off buddy! I split a lot of my meals into 2 separate ones and eat them 2-2.5 hours apart. I feel a lot better being constantly at a comfortably full level as opposed to that "'sick, bloated and disgusting" state of overeating. We've all been there, and it sucks. Yet we seem to do it over and over. Defintion of insanity?

5. Drink water dammit - keep a Brita jug full, at least 2 bottles in your fridge and always have a glass by your side. I don't care if you "don't like the taste''. LOL whut? Water doesn't have a taste! It's not supposed to. Add some lemon/lime/oranges if you must, but it's your life's blood!Such wonders as Stronger Teeth and Bones, Clear and Vibrant Complexion, Regular Bowel and Urinary Functions and even, wow, Weight Loss can result from getting your 8-10 glasses a day. You know when your mom tells you to do something just cause? Well, that's what I'm doing.

6. Lead Us Not Into Temptation - it's all around us, really. Sometimes I feel like a social leper - I'm reluctant to go to certain places or parties if I know there will be a lot of junk food. I carry healthy snacks like nuts or an apple in my purse. I eat before I go out to dinner with friends. Going to the movies was a real struggle; trying to pass up the popcorn and chocolate covered raisins seemed futile, so I gave it up for a while. And drinking is the worst! After 2 Bud Light Limes I could easily eat my body weight in chicken wings and blue cheese dip. Alcohol not only lowers your inhibitions, it also annihilates your willpower. So drink with caution kids. And not until you're sure you can handle it. Handcuffs might work.

7. A final thing that was huge for me - work through your food issues. I find it fascinating the issues different people have and where they stem from; just trying to figure out what they are is an ordeal in itself, let alone understanding and altering them. When I was a kid, the atmosphere around my place was Eat it All and Eat it Now, because you won't get a second chance. Food was hoarded and not shared. I never had an eating disorder, per say, although this might sound like I did, but I would not eat for many hours, then I would gorge on whatever I could get my hands on. Most of my meals were at 3am, when no one was around and I could access the kitchen. I remember half-pound bacon sandwiches on white bread with a ton of Miracle Whip and going to bed with chest pains. I'd wake up the next day, eat nothing for 2-3 hours, maybe have a few pepsi and powdered jelly doughnuts, go out for a poutine or some fried chicken and taters, then spend the whole night eating potato chips, chocolate bars and candy, until I came home in the early am to eat ''dinner" which consisted of whatever was around, before crashing. I never had a weight problem, but I'm sure my body composition was 80% marshmallow. Anyhow, changing the way you look at food is crucial in understanding how we are susceptible to emotional eating and how we use it as a crutch. Letting it get out of hand can destroy you. The good news is you don't have to let it. Knowledge is power baby.

Listen All Y'All it's a Sabotage

Great Beastie Boys tune, I must say. However, on with it shall we...

I've come to a realization that most people have a tendency, be it knowingly or otherwise, to sabotage any and all progress they make toward achieving a healthier, stronger and fitter body. I've previously mentioned my rollercoaster relationship with exercise and the ally who drags me out of the funk, but exactly why does FitAddicted Kelly pull the chute every so often, abandon her lifestyle of wellness and spiral back into the lethargic depths of despair? Do I have some type of mental block? Fear of living up to my full potential? Maybe I don't feel good enough? Like I deserve it? For whatever reason, out of nowhere an angry, egotistical beast shoves its way onto the scene and stomps its feet like a spoiled toddler, announcing that I AM NOT GOING TO THE GYM TODAY. NO. I JUST DON'T WANT TO AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME. Wow. Ok.

I'd putt-putt along for a few months, doing well and staying on track - faithfully following every workout and using every tool that I had to ensure success - setting goals, keeping track of my progress, noting my diet struggles and celebrating my victory in triumphing each one. And BAM! Blindsided. This backstabbing imp would suddenly appear out of nowhere, kick me in the ass, knock me down on the ground and force feed me Costco poutine and hot dogs for a week straight. Sometimes he'd stick around longer, refusing to change out of his pajamas, eating brownies and ice cream for breakfast and sulking into a sinkhole on the couch. Yes, it's a he, this evil succubus. I'm not sure why. Maybe because it feels so completely foreign to me - I cannot relate to it and it's stubborn as an old ass mule. No matter what I say or do, he stays until he's good and ready to leave. Reminds me of one of my old boyfriends.

I tried to stay on guard, looking for a pattern - maybe he would appear around a certain time of the month and if he did, dammit I would be ready for him. But no...he crept up behind me, stealthily and swiftly and proceeded to demolish everything I had spent months creating, working hard for, but I just couldn't stop him! No rhyme nor reason could convince him to even look in the direction of a vegetable, and he would not darken the door of the gym. He laughed maniacally when I suggested going for a run and told me I was stupid and wasting my time. Feeling helpless, confused and angry at myself, I'd continue on a downward slope until BAM! He was gone. I wanted to exercise again, and eat the right foods. I didn't have to sleep with my gym clothes on in the hopes that i would actually workout the next day (not a chance in hell when that rascal was around). Plus I felt like utter poo from a week or month or three of poisioning myself. I guess he had his fill. Sucked up all the good out of me and moved on unconcerned. I'd then shamefully pick up my pride, throw on some baggy sweats and head out to the gym to try to undo the havoc he had wreaked.

I recently spend the day with an old friend; her and I go back many years, even went to nursery school together and were thick as thieves for most of our childhood. This wonderful woman is now a busy working mom of twins who, like most moms, puts her children's needs before her own and wants to spend every waking moment that she is not at work with her young family. She has struggled with many health issues including her weight, for a long time. She was a bit chubby in her teens, and gradually gained more weight throughout high school and even more so with her pregnancy. Unfortunately, she has never really done much exercise at all and she loves to eat a lot of the foods that aren't so good for you. Who doesn't right? I wanted to spend a few hours with her going over her diet and try to help her find ways to make small changes that she will stick to; drastic changes rarely work and most often leave a person worse off than when they started. This friend, also 31 years old, was starting to have many health issues as a result of her life choices - she had high blood pressure, was pre-diabetic and had a few other concerns that I believe are manifestations (in my opinion, 95% of your health issues or lack thereof are a direct result of your diet). She tried lap band surgery, which is an adjustable gastric banding or lap-band which is tightened around your stomach so that it apparently retrains you to eat in smaller portions, thus enabling you to lose weight. Their website states "Obesity isn't your fault". However after well over ten thousand dollars, a few surgeries and many complications later, she was back to where she started. Sure she had lost a lot of weight during the time she had it on, but mostly because she could barely eat, drank most of her meals in liquid form and what she did eat, she threw up. I painstakingly tried to explain to her that this type of thing is putting a band-aid on a broken leg - it's just not a permanent fix for a serious problem. At the same time I kind of understood - she was desperate.

We talked more and more, and she seemed to be taking my suggestions seriously, writing them down and saying either "Ok, I can do that'' or ''HA are you kidding me? Never''. Fair enough, I said. I just want to help. I went through her fridge, commenting on certain choices and recommending other, healthier versions when possible. She was listening and nodding her head, even taking notes and writing down key details of what to look for . We even tried to find ways to incorporate a bit of exercise into her routine, but that was an uphill battle for the moment, although it does look promising in the future (You better buy that damn treadmill woman or I'm gonna chase you to and from work everyday with a broomstick!) It was coming to near the end of the day when she looked at me and stated matter-of-factly ''Ok. I will do this for a month or so, and then I will give it all up and go back to the way I was."

I almost cried. ''What? What do you mean? Noooo. These are lifestyle changes. This is for the rest of your life! It will be easy! Small, gradual changes - 2% to 1% milk, start eating breakfast, drink more water etc.'' She looked at me and said ''Kelly, I know myself. This is the way it's always been. I'll do it in the beginning, and then I will stop." I knew she was convinced 100% that she would fail. And I knew she would fail because of it. I really felt so sad inside. I probed and poked, asking questions and trying to find out why the same way I did to myself - did she not love herself enough? Believe in herself? Want to succeed for her children? I could tell by looking in her eyes that she didn't believe she could ever lose the weight and keep it off, or come off of blood pressure meds, or feel the amazing way you feel when you're fit and healthy - alert, clear-headed, energetic and exuberant. She had given up on herself before we even started. That little troll had found a new host, inside of my friend. And it looked like he was pretty damn comfortable there.

We all have our obstacles, believe you me. Your number one obstacle exists inside your head. If you cannot conquer that to truly believe you deserve better and are worthy of accomplishing your dreams, then I'm afraid you never will. And that breaks my heart.

I almost stopped there, but I don't even want to end my blog entry like this. I want to run screaming up and down the streets, hollering from the mountain tops :

IF YOU BELIEVE IT, YOU CAN AND WILL ACHIEVE IT! DON'T LET HIM WIN. FIGHT. DON'T GIVE UP ON YOURSELF.

The only thing keeping you from achieving your goals is YOU! Confide in a friend for support, find a workout partner who has similar goals, read a book that will inspire you, buy new clothes in smaller sizes, hang pictures of your previous fitter self on the fridge for inspiration, recruit your family members and tell them you need them to help you GET REAL and support you. Call me! I'll talk to you until I'm blue in the face. I care so much it hurts. Fall off the horse but DAMMIT get back on! It's only too late when your dead, so until then, please, please. Don't give up.

Why YOU Should Weight Train

Did you know that you need to train your bones? Your bones protect your internal organs, support and frame your body and they store excess minerals that are essential for your health, like calcium. As you get older, your bones get weaker, causing problems such as osteoporosis and increasing likelihood of broken hips if you fall. One important way to strengthen them is to perform weight-baring exercises - bones react to this by becoming denser and stronger.

Weight training may seem intimidating for a lot of people, women in particular - those who've never been inside of a gym or who are scared to step onto the other side, past the cardio machines to where those big, loud, sweaty men dominate and rule the land, where testosterone flows freely, metal music blares from too loud ipods and gleaming muscles bulging out of grunting bodies are pressing more pounds than most people weigh - I can see why some women are hesitant, or even men.

I know it can appear a bit overwhelming at first but honestly, in this day and age there is no excuse for ANYONE not to weight train or do weight baring exercises. Go to a womans gym. Buy a couple of sets of free weights and work out at home. Hire a trainer. Join a bootcamp. Do an exercise video. Join Tae Kwon Do, or aqua-aerobics or go for a run. If you can't run at first, that's ok! Walk and run a little bit, for 30 seconds, then a minute, then longer. Over time, you will build up aerobic capacity aka strength in your lungs which is great, and by actually running, your body is getting the weight baring workout I'm talking about - the hard hitting, impact workout. That doesn't mean it needs to hurt, but it does mean you need to shake things up a bit. Literally.

Walking or using cardio machines like the elliptical, bike, or rowing machine is great, but please don't make the mistake of thinking it is ALL you need. Low impact exercise has many benefits, but it will not strengthen your bones nor give you firm toned muscles. If you are overweight and you lose weight, you will still lack definition as well as the sexy roundness and curves of someone who has sculpted their body with resistance training.

Yes, some resistance training IS necessary. Like what? Well, starting out with adding simple things like running or skipping is a good idea. To get the best results, you should try doing exercises like squats, lunges, push ups, tricep dips, pull ups and crunches. These are just a few things that you can do in your own home (all except pull ups, you need equiptment). Try to spend at least 30 minutes a day doing a variety of them. You can google any of them and find out exactly how to do them, if you don't already know. Or hire a trainer who will show you. That is, if you're serious about making changes.

Building muscle will speed up your metabolism!! Your body will work more efficiently, burning more calories while you are immobile! A pound of muscle will use up about 6 calories per day, just sitting there, while a pound of fat will burn only 2. Using weights will make your body look and feel younger, I guarantee it. You will strengthen areas that you may have had problems with, like your lower back, using a simple floor exercise like Superman. Just remember to go slow, focus on working the muscles that you are engaging in the exercise, and breathe out on the exertion (the hard part).

Training with weights is not just for meatheads. It's for you! Every single one of you. It will help you age slower, reduce the likelihood of injury, improve your balance and co-ordination and, this is a huge one for a lot of people I work with - increase your confidence and self-esteem. It just makes you feel so damn good, ya know ?

Do You Hear Voices?

For a few years now, I've been pretty consistent in my exercise regime, spending at least an hour 3-4 times a week doing SOME kind of physical activity. Sure there'd be stretches of time, sometimes even a few months where I wouldn't go to the gym at all, but I'd always make sure to find a way to break a sweat - whether it be running up the stairs in my building, swiftly and stealthily dodging my security guard who prohibts me from doing that but is too chubby to catch me, or blasting some Pink tunes and dancing while cleaning my apartment, or literally running to the grocery store as fast as my short legs will carry me. Hey, whatever blows your hair back. It's something, right? Exercise doesn't always have to be vigorous or lengthy to be of benefit, although it should at times be either.

What happens after a 2 week break from eating healthy and working out is that I start to notice changes in my body. Visually, it gets softer. Less toned and defined, more wiggle and wobble. Mentally, the changes are more apparent. I am unable to sleep. I lay in bed and my mind starts racing, even more than usual; I end up getting out of bed and start pacing the kitchen floor, trying to talk myself out of Kraft dinner and weiners (That was before. I'm reformed now, I swear). I start to go stir crazy from lack of a release for all of my pent up energy, my brain is on overload and I begin to feel like utter crap from eating junk food. My body gets confused, hurt, then angry, and basically commands I take action whether or not I feel like participating, forcing me against my will to run around the block or do yoga in my underwear at ungodly hours in the morning.

FitNut Kelly makes it known that this type of lethargic, unmotivated, chips-and-chocolate binging madness will not be tolerated, despite how badly BedLegs Kelly wants to "just for one more day". Nope. I will be dragged kicking and screaming back from the dark side before I sink deeper into watching Court TV and justifying my inactivity. (PMS. It's the weather. I'm tired. I just painted my toenails.) This feeling is what inspired the name of my blog - I truly am addicted to working out. It is my drug, my high, my sweet salvation. Without it I am withdrawn, tired, cranky, stressed and I actually physically start to hurt. My bones ache, my muscles nag, my body expresses its displeasure in a painful pinches and knife-like jabs. And believe me it gets heard.

I've always liked the expression " You better listen to your body when it whispers, because you'll damn well hear it when it screams." If you are in tune with your body, it will let you know what it needs. Whatever vitamins or minerals we are lacking indicate their low levels through what we recognize as a craving - sending a signal to the brain that a filet mignon would go down real good right about now. The body is such an amazingly complex machine, with such capacity well beyond what we will ever be able to comprehend. These signals, such as craving meat when you are low in iron, or even something simple as water when you are thirsty - these are your "Check Engine" lights. You wouldn't let your car run low on gas or oil and then wait for that light to appear before you fill up or bring it in for a tune-up, would you? Often by the time you feel the sensation of thirst, you are already experiencing dehydration. If you drink the daily recommended amount of water, 8-10 glasses per day (varies per person; more if sweating excessively or exercising), then this is an example of how you can be proactive in managing your health.

The problem is, most of society waits for the red flag signs before they take action. Obesity, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, Type 2 diabetes and a slew of other illnesses- for the most part are all preventable. Preventable illness makes up approximately 80% of the burden of illness and 90% of all healthcare costs.

Your body is your temple. You only get one. You only get ONE.