Food is Your Frenemy

For the first time ever, I managed to make it through Halloween without eating any candy. For me that is a HUGE accomplishment. I guess it helps that I live in a security building with virtually no children so I didn't actually have to buy any. I imagine it would be 6 billion times more difficult otherwise. As a matter of fact I've been *clean* for 5 weeks and 2.5 days, and I've never felt better. Unfortunately unlike most addicts who struggle with alcohol, drugs or gambling, my addiction is one that is constantly in my face. It is readily available on every street corner, jumps out at me from the pages of magazines and inevitably flashes repeatedly during television programs and even worse, when I'm doing cardio at the gym, stuck on a machine sans remote control and no option but to look at my feet or close my eyes . There are few things more frustrating that trying to finish up those last 20 minutes on the elliptical and being forced to endure constant Dairy Queen commericals showcasing their latest sinful indulgence. Food is obviously something we have to consume and manage on a daily basis, and making the right choices calls for careful calculation, balance and extreme planning. But how do we deal with, or manage to avoid junk food?

Yessir I am a reformed junkie. On Tuesday, September 29th 2009, I made a conscious decision to change my unhealthy eating once and for all, and I gave my life a real overhaul. It had been a looooooong time a comin'. Since that day, I've consumed more vegetables than probably in my entire life combined (sadly I am not joking), cut out virtually all processed foods with artificial or chemical additives, dropkicked sugar and knocked out refined flour. Has it been easy? Hell-to-the-NO. Am I determined? I'd have to say yes, finally. I'm proud to say yes.

I don't want to give the impression that I've been perfect - I have allowed myself a small, weekly treat, which was rather terrifying at first and it took a LOT of coaching and internal dialogue to limit my treat to JUST ONE, not 3 or 6 or the whole large bag of Salt n Vinegar chips. (Damn you Lays. You are so right) Ohhh no. Those days are over. I'm in charge now. I've worked tirelessly through my self-sabotage, dug deep to understand my food attachments, analyzed and over-analyzed my tendancy to gorge and learned to exhibit extreme self-control simply by revelling in and valuing each indulgence and not letting it turn into a gong show. So before y'all just roll your eyes at this skinny be@tch, let me make it clear - it's not a cake walk, it sure as hell ain't because I don't *like* the taste of cupcakes and yes, genetics may have played a small part in the past, but since I've turned 30, it's a different ball game. Off topic but did anyone else notice I mentioned cake twice in that sentence? Mmmm caaake.

OK so, how do I do it? That's what you want to know right? That's what I always wanted to know, before I actually started to do it, and it's probably my most commonly asked question by acquaintances - how do you say no? You bring your own chopped up veggies to a party so you don't have to eat the chips and salsa? What are you some kind of fruitcake? (had to fit cake in again somehow). Yes. I do that. I also make my own healthy pizzas while all my friends go to Romanos for the meaty-cheese-cream-carb-loaded bonanza. I snack on fruit while my boyfriend eats Fudgesicles. DAILY. And I'm actually starting to get excited about my favorite health foods. Food tastes better to me, real food! I'm delighting in the flavors and savoring smaller portions, not feeling as if I need to cram them in lest someone come along and steal them from me. I can't wait to buy hummus, or to eat juicy canned salmon on a pita with red onion. These foods make me happy, and therefore enable me to eat healthy without feeling like I am deprived. Until you find your foods, you may not be able to do it. Maybe you'll just ride the ol' diet rollercoaster for a while, drifting from deprivation to devouring, until finally, you've just plain had enough.

Low-fat, low calorie food DOES NOT always equal healthy, especially if it's crammed with artificial sweetners, preservatives and chemical additives. What you want to stock up on are CLEAN foods - foods in their natural state, grown from the earth, unaltered by man. Try to choose these type of foods when grocery shopping. The following are a few ways I pay tribute to one of my favorite mantras - SET YOURSELF UP FOR SUCCESS.

1. After you buy your groceries, spend the time to wash, chop and prepare fruits, veggies and other go-to snacks (like boiled eggs or cooked shrimp) and store them in tupperware containers in your fridge. Having bite-sized bell peppers, cukes, carrots and broccoli will give you something to munch on while your cooking dinner or if you're feeling restless or bored and prone to snacking in the evening. I also keep fruit such as watermelon, strawberries and grapes in containers for a quick sweet tooth satisfier, as I ALWAYS need something sweet after dinner, always have. I think it's from when I quit smoking many years ago and replaced it with chocolate bars. Being prepared allows you to be ahead of the game. This is the MOST important thing you can do. The number one reason people go off track from eating a healthy diet is because they don't do this. You come home from school or work, tired as hell and you just want something that is fast and easy. Having those snacks on-hand will keep you from making bad choices when you are most vulnerable and want instant gratification. You will CONSTANTLY have something to eat, so you won't need to order chinese or eat a box of Oreos.

2. Cook in advance when possible. Crock pots are great - throw all your ingredients in and let it cook all day and you come home to a ready-to-eat dinner. Sometimes I prepare meals the night before, after I've eaten dinner and reheat them the next day, or just do the preparation the night before and cook it when I'm ready to eat. I hate cooking when I'm hungry. After I've eaten or on a lazy day, I like to make 4-5 Pita Pizzas and keep them in the fridge. I LOVE snacking on cold pizza, it's my favorite food. With ingredients like tomato paste, pesto, tons of chopped garlic and red onion, sliced turkey, tomatoes, a very, very small amount of cheese, hot sauce and pineapple, they're super healthy and easy to make, and I always have something ready when I'm fridge-surfing.

3. Do NOT buy junk food. Ok lots of people say this, but it's not so easy when you have a partner or maybe kids, who want it and demand it. I say I will not be buying it for my children if and when I ever have them, but I guess we'll see about that. BF has certain snacks that he likes, and I basically go into denial about it. I don't want to see it (so he hides it or keeps it high up in a cupboard I can't reach or don't use), I don't want to know about it and I flat out refuse to acknowledge it exists. It works for me. Gotta admit it is a bit of a challenge when he sits next to me on the couch mowing down brownies and ice cream, but I'm tough. I can take it. Or I just leave the room and go put on a sexy outfit that I couldn't fit into before and admire my progress. Some days I'll go to the 7-11 and buy an Aero 70% dark chocolate bar which satisfies my craving and is actually good for you - full of antioxidants such as flavenoids and can actually lower your blood pressure. I'm sure that's because I might blow my top if I don't have it, so it must relieve something.

4. When you do cook healthy, make large portions so you will have lots of leftovers to make other meals from. I am a big fan of doing this. Cooking a whole chicken, making chicken casserole, home-made chicken soup, sandwiches, whatever.Prepare your own food and you control the ingredients. If you make a large meal, again, divide it in half and eat it later. Be careful to hide it if you have a BF who loves to finish your food. Hands off buddy! I split a lot of my meals into 2 separate ones and eat them 2-2.5 hours apart. I feel a lot better being constantly at a comfortably full level as opposed to that "'sick, bloated and disgusting" state of overeating. We've all been there, and it sucks. Yet we seem to do it over and over. Defintion of insanity?

5. Drink water dammit - keep a Brita jug full, at least 2 bottles in your fridge and always have a glass by your side. I don't care if you "don't like the taste''. LOL whut? Water doesn't have a taste! It's not supposed to. Add some lemon/lime/oranges if you must, but it's your life's blood!Such wonders as Stronger Teeth and Bones, Clear and Vibrant Complexion, Regular Bowel and Urinary Functions and even, wow, Weight Loss can result from getting your 8-10 glasses a day. You know when your mom tells you to do something just cause? Well, that's what I'm doing.

6. Lead Us Not Into Temptation - it's all around us, really. Sometimes I feel like a social leper - I'm reluctant to go to certain places or parties if I know there will be a lot of junk food. I carry healthy snacks like nuts or an apple in my purse. I eat before I go out to dinner with friends. Going to the movies was a real struggle; trying to pass up the popcorn and chocolate covered raisins seemed futile, so I gave it up for a while. And drinking is the worst! After 2 Bud Light Limes I could easily eat my body weight in chicken wings and blue cheese dip. Alcohol not only lowers your inhibitions, it also annihilates your willpower. So drink with caution kids. And not until you're sure you can handle it. Handcuffs might work.

7. A final thing that was huge for me - work through your food issues. I find it fascinating the issues different people have and where they stem from; just trying to figure out what they are is an ordeal in itself, let alone understanding and altering them. When I was a kid, the atmosphere around my place was Eat it All and Eat it Now, because you won't get a second chance. Food was hoarded and not shared. I never had an eating disorder, per say, although this might sound like I did, but I would not eat for many hours, then I would gorge on whatever I could get my hands on. Most of my meals were at 3am, when no one was around and I could access the kitchen. I remember half-pound bacon sandwiches on white bread with a ton of Miracle Whip and going to bed with chest pains. I'd wake up the next day, eat nothing for 2-3 hours, maybe have a few pepsi and powdered jelly doughnuts, go out for a poutine or some fried chicken and taters, then spend the whole night eating potato chips, chocolate bars and candy, until I came home in the early am to eat ''dinner" which consisted of whatever was around, before crashing. I never had a weight problem, but I'm sure my body composition was 80% marshmallow. Anyhow, changing the way you look at food is crucial in understanding how we are susceptible to emotional eating and how we use it as a crutch. Letting it get out of hand can destroy you. The good news is you don't have to let it. Knowledge is power baby.

Listen All Y'All it's a Sabotage

Great Beastie Boys tune, I must say. However, on with it shall we...

I've come to a realization that most people have a tendency, be it knowingly or otherwise, to sabotage any and all progress they make toward achieving a healthier, stronger and fitter body. I've previously mentioned my rollercoaster relationship with exercise and the ally who drags me out of the funk, but exactly why does FitAddicted Kelly pull the chute every so often, abandon her lifestyle of wellness and spiral back into the lethargic depths of despair? Do I have some type of mental block? Fear of living up to my full potential? Maybe I don't feel good enough? Like I deserve it? For whatever reason, out of nowhere an angry, egotistical beast shoves its way onto the scene and stomps its feet like a spoiled toddler, announcing that I AM NOT GOING TO THE GYM TODAY. NO. I JUST DON'T WANT TO AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME. Wow. Ok.

I'd putt-putt along for a few months, doing well and staying on track - faithfully following every workout and using every tool that I had to ensure success - setting goals, keeping track of my progress, noting my diet struggles and celebrating my victory in triumphing each one. And BAM! Blindsided. This backstabbing imp would suddenly appear out of nowhere, kick me in the ass, knock me down on the ground and force feed me Costco poutine and hot dogs for a week straight. Sometimes he'd stick around longer, refusing to change out of his pajamas, eating brownies and ice cream for breakfast and sulking into a sinkhole on the couch. Yes, it's a he, this evil succubus. I'm not sure why. Maybe because it feels so completely foreign to me - I cannot relate to it and it's stubborn as an old ass mule. No matter what I say or do, he stays until he's good and ready to leave. Reminds me of one of my old boyfriends.

I tried to stay on guard, looking for a pattern - maybe he would appear around a certain time of the month and if he did, dammit I would be ready for him. But no...he crept up behind me, stealthily and swiftly and proceeded to demolish everything I had spent months creating, working hard for, but I just couldn't stop him! No rhyme nor reason could convince him to even look in the direction of a vegetable, and he would not darken the door of the gym. He laughed maniacally when I suggested going for a run and told me I was stupid and wasting my time. Feeling helpless, confused and angry at myself, I'd continue on a downward slope until BAM! He was gone. I wanted to exercise again, and eat the right foods. I didn't have to sleep with my gym clothes on in the hopes that i would actually workout the next day (not a chance in hell when that rascal was around). Plus I felt like utter poo from a week or month or three of poisioning myself. I guess he had his fill. Sucked up all the good out of me and moved on unconcerned. I'd then shamefully pick up my pride, throw on some baggy sweats and head out to the gym to try to undo the havoc he had wreaked.

I recently spend the day with an old friend; her and I go back many years, even went to nursery school together and were thick as thieves for most of our childhood. This wonderful woman is now a busy working mom of twins who, like most moms, puts her children's needs before her own and wants to spend every waking moment that she is not at work with her young family. She has struggled with many health issues including her weight, for a long time. She was a bit chubby in her teens, and gradually gained more weight throughout high school and even more so with her pregnancy. Unfortunately, she has never really done much exercise at all and she loves to eat a lot of the foods that aren't so good for you. Who doesn't right? I wanted to spend a few hours with her going over her diet and try to help her find ways to make small changes that she will stick to; drastic changes rarely work and most often leave a person worse off than when they started. This friend, also 31 years old, was starting to have many health issues as a result of her life choices - she had high blood pressure, was pre-diabetic and had a few other concerns that I believe are manifestations (in my opinion, 95% of your health issues or lack thereof are a direct result of your diet). She tried lap band surgery, which is an adjustable gastric banding or lap-band which is tightened around your stomach so that it apparently retrains you to eat in smaller portions, thus enabling you to lose weight. Their website states "Obesity isn't your fault". However after well over ten thousand dollars, a few surgeries and many complications later, she was back to where she started. Sure she had lost a lot of weight during the time she had it on, but mostly because she could barely eat, drank most of her meals in liquid form and what she did eat, she threw up. I painstakingly tried to explain to her that this type of thing is putting a band-aid on a broken leg - it's just not a permanent fix for a serious problem. At the same time I kind of understood - she was desperate.

We talked more and more, and she seemed to be taking my suggestions seriously, writing them down and saying either "Ok, I can do that'' or ''HA are you kidding me? Never''. Fair enough, I said. I just want to help. I went through her fridge, commenting on certain choices and recommending other, healthier versions when possible. She was listening and nodding her head, even taking notes and writing down key details of what to look for . We even tried to find ways to incorporate a bit of exercise into her routine, but that was an uphill battle for the moment, although it does look promising in the future (You better buy that damn treadmill woman or I'm gonna chase you to and from work everyday with a broomstick!) It was coming to near the end of the day when she looked at me and stated matter-of-factly ''Ok. I will do this for a month or so, and then I will give it all up and go back to the way I was."

I almost cried. ''What? What do you mean? Noooo. These are lifestyle changes. This is for the rest of your life! It will be easy! Small, gradual changes - 2% to 1% milk, start eating breakfast, drink more water etc.'' She looked at me and said ''Kelly, I know myself. This is the way it's always been. I'll do it in the beginning, and then I will stop." I knew she was convinced 100% that she would fail. And I knew she would fail because of it. I really felt so sad inside. I probed and poked, asking questions and trying to find out why the same way I did to myself - did she not love herself enough? Believe in herself? Want to succeed for her children? I could tell by looking in her eyes that she didn't believe she could ever lose the weight and keep it off, or come off of blood pressure meds, or feel the amazing way you feel when you're fit and healthy - alert, clear-headed, energetic and exuberant. She had given up on herself before we even started. That little troll had found a new host, inside of my friend. And it looked like he was pretty damn comfortable there.

We all have our obstacles, believe you me. Your number one obstacle exists inside your head. If you cannot conquer that to truly believe you deserve better and are worthy of accomplishing your dreams, then I'm afraid you never will. And that breaks my heart.

I almost stopped there, but I don't even want to end my blog entry like this. I want to run screaming up and down the streets, hollering from the mountain tops :

IF YOU BELIEVE IT, YOU CAN AND WILL ACHIEVE IT! DON'T LET HIM WIN. FIGHT. DON'T GIVE UP ON YOURSELF.

The only thing keeping you from achieving your goals is YOU! Confide in a friend for support, find a workout partner who has similar goals, read a book that will inspire you, buy new clothes in smaller sizes, hang pictures of your previous fitter self on the fridge for inspiration, recruit your family members and tell them you need them to help you GET REAL and support you. Call me! I'll talk to you until I'm blue in the face. I care so much it hurts. Fall off the horse but DAMMIT get back on! It's only too late when your dead, so until then, please, please. Don't give up.

Welcome To My New Blog! Introduction

I've been contemplating doing this for, oh I don't know, forever. What finally made me decide is the massive amount of information I've been sending out lately - to clients, friends, and family, even to complete strangers who approach me at the gym or in the grocery store. People ask me health and fitness related questions on a regular basis. Why you ask? Well, let me tell you a bit about myself, in case you don't already know.

I am currently a Personal Trainer and soon-to-be Nutrition and Wellness Specialist. I work out 5-6 days a week, do yoga and try to eat very clean. I have had a passion for all things health and fitness related for many years, but certainly not all my life. Actually, I used to live my life in the complete opposite way of how I do now. I smoked cigarettes for maybe 7 years, smoked pot and did other drugs (yes, it's true, can you believe it ?) for about the same amount of time, ate the most unhealthy junk foods and didn't exercise for about the first 20 years of my life.

Growing up, a typical diet for me was a case of pop I kept in my closet (and drank about 4-5 a day), giant bags of ketchup chips and 6 packs of donuts, the white powdery kind with the jelly filling. Sometimes that would be all I would eat in a day. I never ate breakfast. I remember my stomach growling in school every morning as a child. In grade school a typical lunch was a chocolate bar, bag of chips and a soda. Or sometimes Mary Browns (east coast version of Kentucky Fried Chicken, but much better ;)) The closest thing to vegetables I ever ate were french fries. I'm pretty sure Chef Boyardee is my uncle. I didn't play any sports in high school. I was too busy hanging out, driving around and going for "coffees" every nite with friends (I always drank Pepsi. Never liked coffee) In college I lived about 200 meters from school yet I paid $75 dollars a month for a parking permit and I drove my car everyday! I guess you could say I didn't have much of a solid foundation to start out with.



My first year of college introduced me to someone who ignited a passion in me for working out. I had a Phys Ed teacher - Louis Paul aka LP who encouraged me to lift weights and push myself hard; he was a stern man, much like a drill sergeant, and I wanted to please him. At that time I smoked cigs, copious amounts of weed and lived on ramen noodle soup (ahh college :)), but slowly I began to make changes. By the end of the year, I had quit smoking everything and started working out in the gym which was ever so conveniently located below my apartment in a shopping-center-type building. The first semester I wasn't doing so good. I barely passed. I was lazy and I didn't care. But with LP's encouragement, I worked my butt off, achieved the goals I had set for myself and I ended up getting an excellent grade in his class. I never forgot the things I learned.

Now, don't get me wrong, that certainly was not the end of all my debauchery. I continued this healthy lifestyle for about another year after that, and then gave it up, started smoking again, and eating all those terrible but tasty foods that had comforted me for years but were slowly killing my body. I was lucky, I was never overweight (good genes I guess) but I was incredibly unhealthy - I had no energy, slept 10-12 hour days and lacked any motivation to do anything about it. I was borderline anemic and vitamin deficient and if I had continued to live this way for a long time, there is no doubt that I would have a host of other health issues.

I have been exercising consistantly and eating healthy (for the most part) for about 8 years now. Why am I telling you all this? Well, there is a perfectly good reason. Did you hear the recent news story about the Personal Trainer in Australia who gained 90 lbs to better empathize with his clients? http://www.trainwithmeonline.com/63/fitness/blog/General/Fitness/Paul_James_Weight_Gain_Experiment.htmls_Weight_Gain_Experiment.html

He wanted to show people he understood what they were going through. Now, I'm not gonna gain 90lbs, (hmmm maybe 10 would be fun...nah :)) but I do want to show people that it wasn't always easy for me. I wasn't "born this way", into a family of athletes who ran marathons or health nuts who fed me organic home-made baby food. I struggled. I still struggle. Most importantly, I want to show you it's not just about the weight or the physical appearance. It's about building a better body. Getting the blood pumping for a stronger, healthier heart. Developing muscle that protect your bones as you get older. To lower cholesterol, have a normal blood pressure, and energy to play with your kids or grandkids. It's about a better quality of life. It's never too late to start. The best time to plant an oak tree was 50 years ago. The second best time is today.



I welcome your thoughts, questions, comments and I hope you come back to read my blog again.