Insane in the Membrane - ReTrain Your Brain

Have you ever marvelled about how your own brain works? I do it all the time. It is astounding to me the phenomenon that occurs each and every day - we wake up in the morning and begin our daily routine, often not really thinking too much about what we are doing. We tend to go on autopilot - roll out of bed, go to the bathroom, start the coffeemaker, shower, get dressed, eat breakfast and head out the door. We don't really need to think about much of that as it becomes a habit we develop over time, and eventually we just go through the motions. Heck, I see BF do most of his morning ritual literally with his eyes closed. It's so funny to watch him eat his cereal while staring at the inside of his eyelids, sometimes missing his mouth with the spoon, letting milk dribble down his chin. He stumbles around half asleep, sometimes opening one eye for navigation purposes. He has it calculated down to the SECOND how long he has before he has to be out the door to make it to work on time.

We are all creatures of habit. Around 95% of the thoughts we have in our heads each day are the exact same ones we had the day before! Have you thought about how many thoughts you have in a day? (if you have, tack on one more to that number ;)) It is estimated anywhere between 2000 to 60,000, depending on many factors such as lifestyle, whether we work outside the home and if so, what our duties consist of, the roles we play (i.e: wife, mom, care-provider etc). We all know that our minds seem to be constantly running at a non-stop pace - coming up with new ideas, analyzing situations, solving problems, planning tomorrow and rehashing the past. Even while we sleep, our brains keep on partying. The subconscious mind continues concocting up random scenarios that play out as dreams and sometimes end up helping us resolve issues we didn't even know we had. Getting at least 8 hours of sleep is important for your brain, as it is during this time that your body recharges. Memories are preserved, skills are recovered and we are able to think more clearly as a result of being well rested.

Do you remember when you were a baby? Probably not, as most of our memories start at around 2 or 3 years old, or later. How about the last time you held a baby? That new baby smell of deliciousness - so clean and fresh, and that feeling you get when you hold him or her close. At some point we were all infants - sweet, soft-skinned, treasured little balls of flesh and perfection. Everyone loves babies. They make you want to just cradle them close to your body and smell their tiny little baby smell and touch their perfect wee toes and gently caress their flawless and oh-so-impeccable heads with a light brush of our fingers, almost fearing how incredibly fragile yet ethereal they feel in our arms.

That was you. You used to be that infant that somebody held tight to their chest, letting the warmth of their body and the beat of their heart comfort your tiny self. Someone had hopes and dreams for you; maybe your Mom or your Dad, or somebody in your life held you then and wanted to protect you; to keep you safe from the harshness of the world and shelter you from any negativity or pain that you would undoubtably encounter down the road, as you grew up and ventured out on your own. Whoever it was held you and let their love flow through your veins, never once thinking that your head was too big or your arms were too long, or your hair too curly. They just loved you and cherished you as you were - a perfect creation, gifted to this earth without any prerequisites or stipulations, of free mind and free will, to take this life and make with it whatever you choose.

Maybe it's been a long, long time since someone has comforted you like that. Maybe even worse, no one ever did. Or it was so long ago, and there has been so much pain since that you've forgotten what it feels like to be embraced and valued for the amazingly unique and astoundingly exquisite being you are. I am so sorry if you didn't feel that enough. We all need a feeling of love and belongingness to foster in this world. We all need to be encouraged and cheered for. If there is nobody else around you now, can you be your own cheerleader? The answer is Yes. YOU can be that person for yourself. YOU can treat yourself this way, love yourself unconditionally, regardless of whether or not your thighs are fat or your stomach sticks out. You are still worthy of LOVE.

At what point in this journey do we buy into it - that what we look like determines who we are? We come into this world a clean slate, innocent and pure, oblivious to the cynicism that taints those who've allowed it. Yet at some point, someone comes along and writes on the slate of who you are (as Dr. Phil would say. Haha), making some flippant comment that is unwanted and unwelcome and it completely alters the way you look at yourself. I remember in grade school being made fun of for having ''UpsideDown Glasses'' -(such a brilliant yet subtle nickname. I now laugh out loud at it). I had glasses, braces, acne and I was as skinny as a rail. Yet before anyone pointed out any of these facts, I was quite happy in my oblivion, not recognizing that OMG I am so ugly and nobody will love me because I don't look like those girls in YM magazine. Yet once you "know", it forever changes you - you now feel limited, as if you have to change your own personality and live confined within these limitations. UpsideDown Glasses would never wear a dress, or go to a prom, or try to be beautiful, because the fact is, she's just not and everyone knows it so it's best to just accept it. Oh how I detest the way media twists and warps the minds of our young people and leaves them with a lifelong uphill battle to undo this mind programming.

On behalf of the beautiful, innocent infants I would like to say HOW DARE YOU? How dare you stop cherishing me and loving me? Why did you stop believing in me and accepting me for how I was? Instead you chose to start tell me how fat and ugly and disgusting I am. Why do you kick me when I'm down? What did I do so wrong? Not only do I have to tolerate the whole world judging me, I cannot even turn inward for peace. MY OWN MIND berates me and reminds me constantly how I don't look good in a bikini and I'll never get rid of that cellulite. I'm worthless. Fat. Stupid. Useless. Loser :(

What does this have to do with fitness? About as much as cutting yourself has to do with bleeding. If you want to make changes in your life toward getting healthier and living stronger, this crap has got to stop. AND I MEAN NOW. Each hurtful word is shredding your insides. Each negative thought is crippling your self esteem. It makes me so angry I can barely breathe. I'm surrounded by gorgeous, intelligent, amazing people who just can't seem to quit it with the self-criticism and hatred. That's what it is. Self-hatred. It's also a self-fulfilling prophecy - if you tell yourself you suck and you can't do something because of whatever excuse you give yourself, then you are right! The voices win. You lose. You cannot do it because you keep telling yourself you can't. It is destroying you and devaluing you to the core of your existance and you can't let it! Ok, enough about the problem because I can feel my blood pressure starting to rise. Let's get on with the solution.

You can reprogram your brain. Write out a list of positive affirmations, print them out and read them daily. Do not allow any more putrid spewing of venom to penetrate your soul. Tell yourself what you love about yourself. Refuse to partake in any more suffering. If you have trouble with this, start out with "In the past, I was....(unhealthy, tired, sickly. NOT fat, disgusting, or anything cruel). Now, I am making small changes to fix this and I am satisfied that I am doing the best of my ability to improve and better my life." It is crucial to avoid saying things like "I don't want to be fat. I wish I wasn't so lazy'' etc etc. Why? Because the brain doesn't notice the negative part. All it hears and processes is ''I want to be fat. I am lazy". Don't believe me? OK, right now, DO NOT imagine a big, juicy chocolate cake with creamy icing so rich you could pay your bills with it. I said DO NOT. I hope you're not picturing it. Do you get what I'm saying?

Here are a few examples of affirmations:

-I am a unique and precious human being, always doing the best I can and always growing in -wisdom and love.

-I do not need to prove myself to anyone, not even myself, for I know who I am. I am perfectly fine as I am.

-I make my own decisions and assume responsibility for any mistakes. However, I refuse to feel shame or guilt about them. I do the best I can. That is 100% good enough.

-Whenever I am tempted to punish myself, I remember to be kind and gentle instead. I know that in order to be the best I can be, I need forgiveness and understanding.

Ask your best friend, a family member or loved one to write a paragraph of the things they love and admire about you. Do it for them as well. Exchange them and add them to your affirmation sheet. Recite them out loud and keep them in a place you will see them to remind you of what you need to be focusing on. Because if you're gonna think something 10,000 times a day, let's at least make it useful, no?

"Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Watch your words, for they become actions. Watch your actions, for they become habits. Watch your habits, for they become character. Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny"

Here is a paragraph I wrote for one of my girlfriends a while back:

I am a strong and beautiful woman, even on days when I don't feel I am either. I am intelligent, unique and have many great qualities that attract people to me. Others appreciate me for what I have to offer. I am a good listener, a bright, quick-witted conversationalist, and am often the life of the party. I have a great sense of humor and I am dependable, honest and loyal. I am a great friend. I am a wonderful girlfriend. I am an excellent daughter and sister. I have struggled in my life but I have always overcome obstacles because I refuse to give up. I want to grow, to learn and to achieve success, however I define that, not how others define it for me. I have come a long way and I am consistently becoming a stronger, better person. I know I will be happy because I deserve to be happy.

What can you come up with?